I know there was an announcement that all singles in the church should wait after service, how come you didn’t wait?

“Because the Singles Fellowship in my church has no understanding of what singles really need. Moreover, if I had gone for the meeting, it would have been full of children and not one person my age. Challenges I am confronted with are not addressed, and I am tired of wasting my time. I would rather go for a show or watch a movie with my friends”.

She is actually 37 years. She’s involved with her boss in the office.  She has a nice apartment that is used for cell meetings of her church. She lost her virginity at 33 to her pastor but can’t have him totally to herself because of his wife and can’t have her boss completely for the same reason. Her boss actually told her never to call him on phone because of his wife and promised to make all the calls. Now, she has to wait for his calls and when he doesn’t, you can’t imagine the pain she goes through for not hearing from him as he may not come to the office some days because of business appointments he keeps in and outside the country. She is in love; only with the wrong person.

When they started the relationship, he made sure that she was always on his team, so they travelled together. But now, rumour has it that he is seeing some new girl in the office, and will do everything to make sure that the two ladies don’t meet and get heart-broken in the process. He is said to be a born again Christian and will not want to hurt any of his mistresses. If our lady in question doesn’t see him often at work, she is sure to meet him in church, which is where they actually met and started the affair. He facilitated her employment in his office.

pre-marital sex

What do you make out of this?

She lost her virginity to her pastor at 33 and now, she is dating a married, prominent member of her church. In my counselling sessions, I hear a lot, I see a lot, and eventually discover a lot happening in secret places [since my clients don’t keep much back from me. They are ready to tell everything, and all the names involved, knowing they have been looking for an opportunity to talk and unburden their consciences of guilt].

I can tell you that there is so much sex amongst singles in the church today and this is not about sticking to one partner, I discovered. It’s so called brothers and pastors having a swell time moving around so many gullible sisters in the church. It is a pity.

Why are these singles sleeping around? So many reasons, I believe. But to make matters worse, we preach “don’t…  don’t…  don’t…” And, since people don’t do “don’ts”, they will be left with not knowing the “do… do… do…” and how to do what they are meant to do.

People need to do something. Tell them or show them more of what they have to do, and give them all the assistance they need to do them. Loose them and let them go. If nothing is done about the sex scourge that has hit the church, she shouldn’t expect so much respect from outsiders or the blessings that makes rich from a Holy God either.

It’s amazing how many of our brides are giving birth seven (7) months after their wedding and the children given birth to are not born premature!

What are the real needs of mature singles? What can be done to for singles to start having sincere relationships amongst church members; not a situation where brothers in the church continue to tell lies to their own sisters, duping many of them financially in addition to the ‘sex trip’ bonuses because they believe they cannot be caught. How can the church stop believing that she’s making progress by having 18 people get married in 6 months, when there are over 1,800 who are equally ready, but are not married at the time because they haven’t found their life partners yet?

If we don’t sit and talk about this sex scourge that has overtaken the church while we were sleeping, we will remain as powerless as we are becoming already; full of so much talk but less to show for it.

I believe we need to promote true friendship again. Friendship that is not out to use people, but adds value to lives; friendship that is out to make sacrifices, and make others truly happy. Friendship maintained over time is costly. Not only does it take effort just to keep up with someone when both of you are moving around in the first few years of your careers, it also requires even more to deal with personality quirks, misunderstandings, and slights. Lacking the willingness to pay attention and to invest emotional energy, friends become mere acquaintances – and eventually become strangers all over again.

Ever wondered why scriptures represent the church as the family of God? Why it pictures its members as sisters and brothers to one another? The deeper truth is that we belong to one another in a significant way and are expected to look out for one another in a pinch, to take up for one another when the ‘neighbourhood bully’ (i.e. Satan) comes calling with the sinister intent of doing real harm to one of us.

Don’t forsake your highest ideals. The most intimate of human relationships is the one between husbands and wives in marital covenants. With sociologists telling us that about half of all first marriages are failing, something must be wrong with our thinking. Where is the “excellence” we are building into our roles as mates and parents? Research tells us that “till death do us part” has been laid aside as an archaic convention in wedding ceremonies of late. In its place are things like “for as long as our love shall last” or “until our time together is over.” How’s that for being open-ended? For leaving a way out? For some people, what they call “love” doesn’t last into the third month. Their “time together” is hardly enough to unpack.

‘Make it easy on yourself’ seems to be the rule of thumb for too many of us. So, we are shallow in our faith, careless about our character, and weak in our commitments. We betray our spiritual potential. We abandon the ethical path.

Has the church approved of pre-marital sex? I think the world has a right to know.

Maybe we can build next year’s Valentine’s Day around opportunities for the singles and married to experience true love by organizing decent social functions that encourage true friendships.


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