In this new version of the humorous and thorough guide to sex, Dr. Ruth, America’s favorite psychosexual therapist, discusses loneliness. Do you want to learn how to deal with loneliness? Start by going out of the house and engaging in real-world conversation.
You may read article after article about scientific results claiming that loneliness is on the rise, particularly among young people. This concerns me much.
It turns out that having a large number of Facebook friends or Twitter or Instagram followers is no substitute for having genuine, live people in your life.
Not just Twitter followers, but real pals
I have about 90,000 Twitter followers, but it doesn’t help me when I’m at home and need some company. I understand the relevance of social media among teenagers and older people. However, social media is a double-edged sword. Yes, there are many methods to busy yourself on your phone if you’re bored. Rather than making you feel less lonely, it will most likely make you feel more lonely at the end of the night.
You need to be around other tangible human beings to alleviate your loneliness. You’d go to the refrigerator, not your sock drawer, if you were thirsty. If you’re lonely, you need to go to areas where other people are.
It takes practice to have a good dating discussion.
Is it something that makes you apprehensive about dating that you can’t hold a conversation? Do you fear that you won’t be able to say anything? I’m concerned that the art of conversation is fading away as people spend so much time on their phones doing everything except conversing. Not only is this phone time making them lonely, but it’s also causing a lack of competence in one of the most important aspects of dating: talking.
Conversation is known as the “art” for a reason. I’m sure you’ve had conversations with folks who irritate you. They can talk all they want, but who wants to listen?
Any art form requires practice, so I encourage you to speak with your friends and family as much as possible, but in a constructive manner. Don’t just ramble about what you bought at the store; come up with something fascinating to talk about. How do you go about doing that? You go out of your way to stay informed. Do you remember those viral cat videos? Stop watching them and go practice finding stories that would make wonderful dating conversation topics.
TIP
Is there a place for a sense of humour in dating? Of certainly, but I recommend treating comedy as a condiment rather than a main entrée. If something amusing occurs to you, go ahead and try to make your date laugh. However, if all you’re doing is trading zingers, you’re not learning much about each other. I’m guessing you’re not going to create a connection that will last the test of time if you use comedy to mask your genuine feelings.
Stop relying on your phone as a crutch.
So, here’s another conundrum you’re dealing with. You don’t want to be lonely, and your smartphone provides you with a variety of ways to avoid it, but it is also the source of your loneliness. Will you be able to live without your smartphone? It’s unlikely. It has become far too vital as a calendar, GPS, music player, and mode of communication.
So, your phone will stay with you, but you must recognize that using it as a crutch to avoid feeling lonely is making things worse. Spend some time with real people, not simply online friends, if you’re attempting to combat loneliness. Not necessarily on a date, though that would be nice, but just hanging out would suffice.
Of course, I don’t mean two people at a coffee shop, each staring at their phone, when I say “hanging out with a friend.” That is the problem’s source, not its remedy. Put your phones away and communicate with one another. (Someone needs to make a smartphone condom that you can simply wrap around your phone to pry it open.)
If nothing else, it will provide you with practice so that when you’re on a date with someone with whom you truly want to connect, you’ll be better equipped to do it without being distracted by your phone.
WARNING!!!
According to studies, smartphone users touch their phones 2,600 times every day. The more difficult it is to put your phone down, the more vital it is. Use the timer app on your phone to assist you if necessary. Set the timer for 15 minutes and then turn off your phone. Disable notifications that notify you of any type of contact. Then gradually increase the amount of time your phone is out of your hands to wean yourself off of it as a crutch. That way, while you’re on a trip, you’ll be prepared.