DIFFERENCE: The quality or state of being different. You are going to realize that your partner may be your complete opposite but that does not mean that he or she is wrong. It is your level of maturity that will make you celebrate the differences rather than condemn them. It will make you celebrate the fact that she turns the head of the cloth hanger to the left instead of the right like you do etc.
If you find yourself getting more irritated at your differences rather than celebrating them, then you may not be mature or ripe enough to have someone else in your life in such capacity as marriage. I advise you see a counsellor.
But Difference is not all you prepare for because, you will still be confronted with imperfection in your partner.
IMPERFECTION is something that spoils the appearance or completeness of a thing.
As cool as your partner may be, you will still find a flaw in him or her. No one on earth is flawless; no one is perfect. Not even you! You won’t find a perfect person to marry so, stop looking for a perfect partner and start figuring out how to accommodate your partner continually and how to become his or her strength where he or she is weak and vice versa.
If you find yourself getting irritated at the fact that whenever he serves a guest, he always pours a drink to overflow, thereby making the table or rug messy, etc., then you need to see a counsellor as you may not be matured or ripe enough yet, irrespective of your age, to live with someone in the capacity of marriage.
So MATURITY is essential to help you celebrate differences and to accommodate imperfection but you must confront abuse whenever it rears its head in your marriage. It must NOT be celebrated and it must NEVER be accommodated.
ABUSE: Abuse is the improper usage or treatment of an entity; often, to unfairly or improperly gain benefit.
You and your partner must be committed to finding ways to make each other happy and not to brutalize, bully, ill-treat, ill-use, kick around, maltreat, man-handle, mishandle, mistreat, misuse, molest, violate, harass, harm, hurt, injure, oppress, persecute, torment, torture, burn, victimise, beat up or work over each other.
Whenever abuse occurs in your marriage, you must report it! Otherwise, it will continue until it destroys both the abuser and the abused. Please understand that no matter how handsome or pretty your “abuser partner” may be, he or she has a spiritual, psychological or emotional problem that needs urgent attention; and, you are not in a position to handle it.
He or she is treating you bad, not because of who you are but because of who he or she is.
It may surprise you that what God asked the man to do for his wife is to nourish and cherish (care for, foster, nurture, baby, cater to, coddle, favour, gratify, humour, indulge, mollycoddle, pamper, spoil) her and those actions are complete antonyms of “abuse”.
Like I stated earlier, while you learn to celebrate differences and accommodate imperfection, you must say ‘no’ to abuse in your marriages and report it! Unreported marital abuse has destroyed generations!
By Jerome Onipede