It was at our fifth session together that she opened up and said “I never really wanted to marry him, but for the fact that he wanted it more than I did”.
Why didn’t you want to marry him I asked? And she said “because after I paid him a visit at home and OBSERVED what was really going on there, I knew this was not a place for me”. She had dated him for a while and then decided to go and have a feel of what his family was really like. When she got there, she realized that:
1. His mother does not go to Church, but had beads around her like those who were into idol worship.
2. His siblings had children around, but not for anyone in particular.
3. One of his siblings was dealing with insanity.
4. Another sibling who was not through with a GCE certificate yet, had moved out to live with a girl in a rented room, close by. He later died with his girlfriend of AIDS. 5. And that her boyfriend then who is now her husband was the only one who seemed to be making progressive efforts.
I went ahead to ask her why she still went ahead with the Marriage, and she said because:
i. He was the only Boyfriend she had throughout her studies in the university.
ii. By the time she was graduating, she was already 31, and thought it will be crazy to start thinking about going into a new relationship, and so will rather take the chance.
iii. He was beginning to date other girls then, and told her that he was more into them, because she was not ready to marry him, which scared her, and made her get married to him to hold unto him.
Now they are married, and guess what? He has continued to be into other women like he always has, and so marriage did not stop that. He is so disconnected from his children, and wants nothing to do with them, I guess an aftermath of being disconnected from members of his own father’s house and thinking starting his own family may put an end to the void that comes from BEING APART from a home. Always thinking less of his wife, and not being able to complement her for anything, which I believe is as a result of not thinking much of himself too, and not being able to overcome within himself the shame from his father’s house that has stuck to him like a Siamese twin.
At this point I only asked her a question, “WHY DIDN’T YOU TALK TO A QUALIFIED COUNSELOR”? Because I believe if she has, there is a probability that she wouldn’t be in the mess she finds herself today. She is in a situation where every breakthrough she seemed to get in life is FRAMED in dishonor. It’s like a case of having Blessings with sorrow added to it. She has what a lot of women are seeking for, and even lives in a part of the world that any ambitious woman will want to stay, because of the opportunities there, but finds it difficult to count her blessings and name them one by one, because her mistakes seem to be over growing and chocking her miracles. In a land of plenty, she becomes lean, and in an environment filled with Joy, she lives with endless sadness. As for the man she is married to, he doesn’t know the difference, and doesn’t believe he needs help either, he just lives with wife and children like he is the STRANGER that he is.
TO BE CONTINUED…
Related articles across the web
