Four Modes That Could Kill Any Marriage

 

I have always said that marriage is a team work. It can’t stand without the other pillar trust me. For any marriage to work or fail, it takes two people. We understand that these two people are completely from different backgrounds with different beliefs (not religion this time) so they must meet at a mid point to make the relationship work.

Below are the 4 modes that could kill a marriage

  1. Flight Mode: This is when you flee the scene when you and your partner have a misunderstanding. Don’t ever avoid talking about issues in your marriage. Build the habit of talking about your relationship. Let out everything bothering you about the relationship. Don’t be afraid to discuss your issues. Don’t move away from your spouse. Don’t avoid the interaction between you and your spouse. If you do that, you are on a flight mode.
  2. Fight Mode: This is when you get into an argument when you are trying to talk about an issue. Talking about an issue shouldn’t lead to a fight. When you talk about your relationship, you want to make it better. This mode comes up in an argument and in a discussion. Fright mode is a result of fight mode and flight mode. When fight regularly, you tend to run away from discussions that will lead to a fight, then you are already in a fright mode. These two modes (fright and fight) are about fear.
  3. Right Mode: This is the mode where each party in a relationship believes he/she is right. It’s a refusal to be wrong. So when you think you are always right, you can never change. Until you are open to learning and changing your views about being right all the time, you are never going to change your ways. This is very dangerous for your relationship. The danger with the right mode is that you are unwilling to listen to the opinion of others. It shows your stubbornness. Relaxing your right mode is helping your process of effective communication with your spouse.
  4. Spite Mode: This is when you decide to show how much you are angry by throwing tantrums. It’s a mode of getting back at the other party. It’s about proving a point that hurts the other person. This mode is dangerous. It can keep you spinning around and around on a spot and not yielding a positive result.

 

Having talked about the 4 modes that could kill a marriage, here are 2 modes that could keep your marriage for good.

  1. Sight Mode: This is about keeping a vision of where the relationship is headed. It keeps you out of where you are now and makes you fight for where you are headed. It keeps you out of your fears and takes you to a higher place. This mode makes you believe that something can change. This is a positive mode which can help build your marriage.
  2. Unite Mode: This mode brings the two of you together. It makes you a team. Marriage is not about two people with so much ego. It’s about two strong people willing to make things work regardless of the obstacles they encounter along the way. It’s about having each other’s back. It’s about being a team. You can overcome the killing modes by lowering your reactivity when issues come up.

I pray that God will give you wisdom to manage your marriage appropriately IJN.

Credit: Lee H.Baucom, Ph.D

 

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